Gender roles in Nordics vs English speaking countries

My English colleague recently shared this video with me:



I know some English and American people who think like that, but very few from the Nordics who can see themselves in this picture. Certainly, no one in my family fits (unless we go back to past generations perhaps).

The situation described in the video portrays a very emotional woman, who takes pride in her home and is a sort of superwoman, who just does everything and swings the wip over her lazy husband. But from a Nordic perspective, this situation does not leave any role for the husband to fill.

She can earn the money and keep the household running so if all he does is making a mess, what does she need him for? I know relationships, where it is the other way around and the man is the one feeling, like he is doing the most around the house. They talk to each other and try to work it out and find a fair balance.

The Nordic woman would not give the man points for the things mentioned. It is expected that he cares about the home and both parties would be deeply disappointed or frustrated if they failed to agree on how to run things around the house and to what standard. The ideal Nordic partners support and respect each other as well as their home.

This is not to say that Nordic men and women are alike. Here is a perspective on gender from the North (Iceland):



As human beings, we have different strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps, one does the cooking and the other one does the laundry. Keeping common areas looking presentable is a shared responsibility.

If both take equal part in the running of the household, both parties can realise themselves in their jobs and become a rounded, complete person. A family person and a professional. Know when to nurse and when to lead.

Hippy Education

I recently read an article on education that made me see my own schooltime from a whole new perspective. It describes a study where a group of students were divided in to two different groups partly in to their course. One group os taught according to the "traditional University model" whereas the other was "deliberate practice": "Class time is spent on problem-solving, discussion and group work, while the absorption of facts and formulae is left for homework."

The article presents this model as if it is a new way of teaching although it is the predominant teaching method I remember from my childhood, youth and university course in Denmark. And suddenly I realised why groupwork was so hard when I did my postgrad at an international management school. I was so used to learning that way that I didn't even think about how to do it. I've been problem-solving, discussing and groupworking as an natural way of learning since I could read. The other guys had learned things off by heart. They were used to working as individuals and I was used to the type of groupwork the University required us to do. But I had no idea of how to deal with people to whom this concept was entirely new.

In the workplace many jobs require you to be able to work together with people as well as working as an individual. It is interesting to see how people's background make them more skilled at one or the other. The challenge is to know when which method is appropriate.

Nordic Language Policy

In the Nordic countries, there is a policy that you have the right to communicate in your own language in fellow Nordic countries. This covers Denmark (incl. Greenland and the Pharaoh Islands), Sweden, Norway, Finland, Iceland.
The Scandinavian languages are usually in the center of the attempts to support this policy, which is the reason why Icelandic people learn Danish or Norwegian and Finnish people learn Swedish in school. However, motivation is usually low - probably because it is easier to speak English for them.
Traditionally Swedes, Norwegians and Danes have been able to understand each other, but in the younger generations it is becoming harder. Especially the Swedes and Norwegians struggle to understand the Danes. I, like many Danes, find it embarrassing to speak English to other Scandinavians and have taken the consequence and taught myself Swedish (the bonus is that it sounds funny :-).

For articles in Danish on the topic, see:

Nordisk sprogpolitik – skandinavisk som fælles platform

Sproglige rettigheder i Grønland, Rigsfælleskabet og Norden

Career and loyalty

In my flatshare we have a Bulgarian girl who comes to clean our flat every other week. It is great because we avoid any discussions about whos turn it is and stuff like that. However, she just told me she got a good job-offer and may have to stop the cleaning business. Good for her I thought, so I congratulated her.
Funny thing is that she was very apologetic, and in the end I just said to her that she didn't owe anyone to stay in a place if something better came up. I would never dream of turning down a better offer out of loyalty to a job. Not to say I am not loyal, but the concept of loyalty just means something else to me.
I think this is not just cultural but also affected by many other things. In Denmark there are also people who stay in the same company for over 30 years and I can only explain this by referring to a sense of loyalty. Everyone gets a better offer at some point or another in the course of that many years, unless they are actively avoiding it.
My parents have worked for different employers throughout their career and perhaps that has shaped my opinion. It is my impression that it is more common in some industries and some cultures to stay in the same job for years and years, however most Danish people of my generation move between jobs fairly naturally. The people I know anyway.
Perhaps this is also a tendency because of the legislation in Denmark. It is extremely easy to get rid of employees compared to in the neighbouring countries. That naturally creates a more dynamic labour market where it is ok to move around and try different things.

Schools kill creativity

This TED talk offers some interesting angles learning - probably a similar situation in most western countries.

Education

As a child I found school pretty pointless. It was all set up to teach us that we need to think about the collective and learn skills that we could use to build a society - one that had space for everyone who wanted to work for that idea. I got the point in the first few years and after that, it didn't seem like there was anything new to learn.

The exception was in language lessons. Here, we got to learn about how people in other parts of the world had different lifestyles and values, and we were even given the tool to go and explore it on our own. My parents took me travelling, and I learned to speak English largely on my trips to England. And I realised that Nordics are different because we can't give each other or our selves praise. If someone gave me even the smallest compliment, I felt awkward. Thankfully I got over that.

First time I was on a course in England I was surprised to find the trainer say 'well done' in the most natural way and prompted by very minor things. This is something I personally find very motivating for learning. Whenever you try something for the first time you should be told what you did well, rather than what you need to improve. You know you need to improve because you are new at it. A little pat on the back gives you hope because you know that you are off to a good start.

In this week, the a-level (lign. Studentereksamen) results came out in England. It happens every year and every year it is news. They like to interview A-students and talk about what they want to use their clever brains for. I could not imagine a news story like this on Danish telly.

The interview I saw yesterday was with two students who had gotten really good grades but couldn't get into their preferred course of study. They both chose to take time out and try again next year. I recalled when I applied for Uni in Denmark. I filled in a sheet that went to the central allocation institution and I had to rank from 1-3 of what I wanted to study. I got my first priority but had been equally happy with number two or three.

Anglo-American Psyche

I recognise many of the things she says in English people and many other Europeans for that matter. It is the other extreme that stands opposite to the Nordic concept of "Janteloven" which I will post about soon. In the meantime, enjoy the video:

The art of listening

The video below captures some thoughts I have had and addresses a common problem in noisy societies.

I remember visiting London in January 2006 and remarking that this was a very noisy place. It wasn't a criticism. When I returned to Lancester, I found the countryside much too quiet for my taste.

You get used to the noise but it does make you less patient in terms of listening to other people. The video gives you some tips on how to improve your listening in order to improve communication and understanding between you and your fellows. It is worth listening to ;-)

When Democracy in the Nordics was Attacked

I saw on the news that a bomb had gone off in Oslo. Oh no, I thought, more stupid people who can't treasure the freedom they have in a democratic society. I didn't even care who it was and still don't, because how can any sane political motive be so against the Nordic democratic model? A model that lets you speak and think as you like.
Even when statements are offensive to other groups in society, the attitude is that "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." Growing up in a society like this, I learned to ignore the words that lay behind such violent actions. Words can't hurt me because I choose whether or not to listen.

And when Norway was struck by terror, I chose to listen to the victims. People who fled for their lives, people who died for others to live and all the people who helped them and still are supporting them. I listened to the great leaders of Norway, the King and the Prime Minister.
And I read articles about how amazed Americans were not to find that blood thirst but compassion was the predominant reaction amongst the Norwegians. For example this one from the Atlantic Wire: Comparing How Norway and the U.S. Respond to Terror

In this article, Fredrik Erixon, the director of the European Center for International Political Economy in Brussels, isn't sure the mood will last. "The fantastic show of support for open society and the values of democracy will inevitably fade away and be overshadowed by suspicion of the unknown" or anti-immigrant sentiment, he tells Bloomberg.
I don't agree with this. It hasn't been acceptable to be "scared of the unknown" in the Nordics since the 70ies. Nordic children are brought up to put a name on their fears in order to learn how to address it better.

This doesn't mean that there is no hostility against immigrants - far from it. But people know what they don't like and where the conflicts lie.
The problem for the Nordics is that the model of society builds on assumptions of a family consisting two working parents and 2-3 children, people that take part in the debate and go to vote with a sense of duty, people that learn a couple of extra languages to talk to people in other countries. And it is hard for the Nordics in general to accept when people don't conform to these ideals.

Ironically, in trying to defend the societies as they are, the Nordics run the risk of undermining the values on which they rest.

Dry Danes and Sweaty Suomis

One of the things I love about living in the Southern part of England is that the winters are not as long, cold and dry. After a winter in Denmark, my skin was always totally itchy. During a winter in London I do feel the cold but hardly ever extreme cold for long enough for it to cut through to the bone. I am not even sure if this expression works in English, but I think you get the picture.

The Finnish have found a way to deal with the winter - I guess they had to as it is much colder, longer and darker up there. So they have the sauna. I experienced three different types last time I was there. The smoked sauna, the electric sauna and what I think is the most common, the firewood sauna. They are all lovely, warms you through and you can happily throw yourself in the snow afterwards because of the fuzzy, warm feeling inside. I am not really a spa person but the heat and typical mood of the sauna really relaxes me.

The smoked sauna is a special experience and the walls are completely black with sot. You wait for the smoke to clear out before you go in. I think it creates a more intimate and rough experience and I felt as one with nature.
The electric one is the most convenient - instant heat and relaxation. Beautiful walls in light-coloured wood to give you that Nordic feel.
The firewood sauna is also very nice. You can burn different types of wood and some create a nice smell. I was in one with no electric light - just me and a candle.

When I was in Copenhagen in February this year, I noticed the enormous selection of body lotions and creams in the shops and I could hear people asking the sales people for one that would sink in quickly and still provide a lot of moisture for very dry skin. I recognised the desperation in their voices and sympathised, remembering when that was me. The problem is that it is not possible to solve this with a body lotion, no matter how fat and how many times you apply it a day. At least I have never succeeded that way. I think the way forward for these dry Danes is to learn from the Finnish - build a sauna and build up a good sweat.

In preparation for Easter

Danish Easter

Naked in the Nordics

I was talking to my brother about podcasts recently, and he told me about this American podcast that explained how to behave in public. He had it found very strange that it recommended that when in a locker room, one should cover up oneself with one's towel on the way from the actual locker to the shower area, so as not to offend anyone.
For a Dane, the main concerns are not to get the towel wet prematurely and washing yourself well before going in the pool in order not to pollute it and thereby forcing the administrators of the pool to use more of that poisonous, smelly chlorine. We don't really care if same sex people see us naked. If they are offended, it is their problem (a general attitude that applies to many situations amongst Danes). They can just go away.
In some places in the UK people tend to be more shy with their nakedness, which can feel awkward if you are not used to worry, but don't really have an explicit wish to offend anyone either. London seems pretty chilled though, which is nice.
On the other hand, they have mixed sex sauna's over here - and people will wear their swim suits in there! In DK, the sauna is usually in the changing room of the pool and often equipped with signs saying that you shouldn't wear your swim suit in there. It is not hygienic.
In Finland they have it all: mixed sex (gender, that is), nakedness and beer in the sauna. More about the Finnish and the sauna culture in another blog post soon to come.